This was a free write I did about part way through junior year:
I tend to be a really negative person, so I'm going to write about why I like myself.
First is my hair. I know that's a weird place to start, but my hair is my favorite thing about the way I look. I love having long hair! The Puritans got it right when they said that a woman's hair is her vanity. I like the chocolate brown color of it and the way it curls, especially around my face. I only get it cut about once or twice a year (which I know is bad) because I want it to grow out.
Next is how smart I am. I love taking hard classes and feeling like I make high school worthwhile for myself. That's why I enjoy debate! I learn so much about politics, philosophies, and history. My sister Amelia always comes to me for questions. I'm a year ahead in math and AP Calculus is one of my toughest classes. I love feeling like I can understand and master the concepts.
The last thing that I like about myself, or at least the last one I will talk about, is that I think I'm a good leader. I like planning and organizing activities. I think I'm pretty creative. I like doing things for other people and feeling like I can make a difference.
I'm really hard on myself and I push myself to do a lot. I find myself happy though when I look back at all that I've accomplished.
Looking back at 2011, this has definitely been the busiest, craziest year of my life! If there was any one lesson I've learned, it would be this: everyone is capable of so much more than they know! I'm talking to you. YOU are grand. If you push yourself, and try to accomplish great things, you will be rewarded.
For me, the biggest example of this would be student council. I remember how nervous I was when I turned in my application. I felt so confused about whether or not it was the right thing for me. I knew that I'd be embarrassed if I actually went through with the whole process and ended up not being selected. I almost didn't want to tell anyone I was applying. Somehow word got out. (Doesn't it always?) I had near threats from other people who likewise wanted the academics position.
I had to go through an interview by the already elected, new student council. When I walked into the room, I realized that I knew all of their names, but there was a slim chance they had ever heard of me before. I was nervous, but did my best to be happy and confident. I guess it paid off.
So....what I hope you learn from this is that YOU can do great things. Heck, if I can get a spot on student council, then you can achieve whatever you'd like to, and more than you can imagine. YOU are capable of more things than you know.
Now, onto resolutions for 2012. First, I must talk about my take on new year's resolutions. People have worthy goals throughout the year, but for some reason, they always wait until January 1st to begin. There is something seriously wrong with that. Why not set goals throughout the year?
I, being a hypocrite, have decided to eat a ton of junk food and candy now, because I'm cutting it out for 2012:) I'd also like to start working out more often. Since 9th grade, I've lost about 35 or 40 lbs., and have gone from a size 9 to almost 0. I don't really know how I did all that. I swear I'm not anorexic or bulimic:/ and if you know me, you know that I LOVE food. Even if I've already lost weight, it's not going to be bad for me to eat healthier and get some sort of muscle on me.
Next, I'd like to feel pretty. Most mornings, getting ready is a task done grudgingly. Very rarely, and only with a lot of effort, do I ever say "I feel pretty today!" I think it would be nice to feel pretty more often. My case is a little unique, in that I've spent the last seven months on acne medication that has completely dried me out and emotionally destroyed me. I totally think my teacher's think I'm on drugs because my eyes are red all the time and I'm constantly putting on chapstick. But now that I'm done with accutane, hopefully I'll feel happier. And my skin definitely looks much better!! I haven't been clear since fourth grade. It feels nice. So yes, I'd like to be able to look in the mirror and say "I'm pretty" more often than I say "I'm ugly."
My last goal is hopefully going to become my year's theme - if I could call it that. It's about influence. Who am I going to let influence my life? Most commonly, I let people from the past, people who have hurt me, tell me what I should be. How do I know they even exist anymore? People change. They could be completely different now. So why would I let a past version of them hurt me? I can't move forward if I'm stuck in the past. I'd much rather let Christ influence my life. I'd much rather be known for being a nice and friendly person.
Going with that, my resolution is to redefine how I will influence other people. My Mom has always said that I'm a leader; I can choose to lead for good, or lead for bad. With all the different leadership positions I have right now, I have the great ability to influence many people. Last year when I applied for student council, I felt really small and insignificant. This year, I actually feel kind of popular, which is a new experience. I impact not only the people I regularly visit with, but everyone who sees me. It's important that I always stay "Rahrah" no matter what - that I cheer people on:)
I've heard that writing down goals, or sharing them with other people, will help me achieve them. If you ever see me gaining weight, chowing down on too much junk food, being hard on myself, or beating someone up, then feel free to straighten me out.
I LOVE YOU. Yes, YOU. If you don't think I'm talking about you, then you're wrong.
We ate lunch at sweet tomatoes and then went to the dinosaur museum! I super like going to museums, especially if they involve sharks in any way. (See picture.)
As you've probably noticed, Christmas was a few days ago. I got my first android phone (from which I am sending this blog) and it's real nifty! I also got a laptop, which was a complete surprise! I'm going to miss my netbook, but it has definitely kicked the bucket:( I'll have Brady check it just in case.
As a quick update, I have only FIVE pills of accutane left to take. It has noticeably cleared my skin, and noticeably taken a toll on my mental health. Can't wait to be done!
Anywho, I miss my dog, I miss summer, and I miss you.