May 27, 2012

Just some graduation thoughts...

Hi people, May is always crazy. I feel like I say this about every basically, my entire life is crazy. Here's something that I've been thinking about the past couple weeks that has been made very clear to me during certain senior events (retro skate, evening of excellence, and dinner/dance):

There's this group of seniors that I've always felt like I should have been a part of. They have the same values as me, they're all pretty intelligent, and I've had many classes with them. During 8th and 9th grade, I tried very hard to align myself with this group. I'd write birthday cards to them or ask the boys to dance at the school dances. I sat by them in classes and tried to talk with them.

None of this ever worked. I'm not really sure why, but I could never get myself to fit in with them. Maybe I was too forward, or maybe I just wasn't pretty or popular enough (which is what I've always felt). Part of it might have been because one of the girls in the group used to bully me. Another boy in the group I had a crush on for a while, so that might have made things weird. I don't really know why, but they excluded me.

Throughout high school, things were always weird with them. They talked loudly and openly about their social lives, but never invited anyone but themselves. They probably never noticed me or cared about me. Well, not probably. They didn't notice me and they didn't care. I moved on. (And don't get me wrong, they are very nice people. If they weren't I wouldn't have wanted to be a part of the group in the first place.)

During the senior events this past month, I've kind of been reminded why I wish I was in this group. Yes, I'm super happy that I have my best friend Lonso. I couldn't have survived high school with out him. Things would just be different if I fit in. I wouldn't spend Friday and Saturday nights alone when Lonso has work. However, I don't regret anything. Rather than focusing on parties and fun, I dedicated myself to school and now I have the scholarship I wanted.

Here's the point: once I was talking with my dad about some challenges I was having with people. He said, "it might not be your 1 year reunion, or even your 5 year reunion...but by your 10 year reunion, your classmates will regret not befriending you in high school."

It's not that I want them to feel remorse and sadness. My thoughts have been wrapped around the idea that I want to be the kind of person that people will wish they had befriended. I want to be successful. 10 years from now, I want things to be really good.

Sorry my thoughts are super jumbled...I hope I got my point across adequately. I love you all, and you can expect more posts this summer!

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